OK friends, I apologize for the lack of updates. I have so much to share and never enough time to do it right so I'm choosing to wait. A ton has happened since my last post, little and big things (and no I'm not preggo), so please don't write me off as one of your long lost blogging buddies. I promise to update as soon as life slows down a bit.
While checking in on a few friends this evening (love you Lori), I happened upon the blog of an amazing mother, named Stephanie. Stephanie's almost 14 month old daughter drowned in their hot tub seven weeks ago. I have spent the last two plus hours reading her accounts of the unimaginable journey through the grieving process. I am fascinated by people who can endure such horrific trials with a strengthened testimony of their Savior and His great plan of happiness. While reading Stephanie's posts, my heart aches for her loss and yet I'm so inspired to take a step back and focus on what really matters.
Sometimes I feel like my kids see me most with a furrowed brow or grumpy face and I often wonder what impact that can/will/does have on their spirit. I'm not sure how I manage to get so entangled in things that pull me away from what I claim is most important to me. It's really frustrating feeling like I'm not the mom I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a good mom. I just want to be better at some things that I know are important and let some of the less important things slide. I guess that is the age old struggle with motherhood!
Anyway, one thing Stephanie encouraged people to do was write down the little things our kids do, and it doesn't have to be just the funny things, because we will always want to remember. So I'm going to do just that and I'd encourage you to do the same.
I'll start with Miss Halle...
I love the way Halle weaves her favorite blankies in-between her fingers as she is falling asleep. I can remember her doing this as a baby. Halle is always listening and formulating a plan. Currently she is designing the "Family Fun House," a sort of vacation resort complete with great activities for the kids and a place for parents to go and get a foot massage. Halle has learned how to read and I love the look of pride on her face as she reads aloud to just about anyone who will listen. She is a worrier and a great helper who can practically read my mind. She is such a mini-me, sometimes it feels like I'm taking a step back in time.
Haven is my cuddle bug. Every morning I wake to Haven asking is she can lay by me. She snuggles right up, so close that her hair tickles my nose. She is possibly my most observant child and is generous with her compliments often of things that most 3-4 year olds would never notice. A few that come to mind at the moment are, "I like that color on you" (in reference to a new hair color), and "I like your fishnets mom." She has the best squishy buns and is infatuated with red high heels. She can give a terrifying look of death and is capable of throwing awesome tantrums, but most of her meltdowns can be diffused if I just ask, "Can I hold you?" I just have to remind myself of that technique.
Oh Yaya. Asher is attempting to master the art of selective listening. However, the half smile and shifty eyes is a dead give away. It is impossible not to laugh when he does this. He frequently says, "I la lu mom," (love you) and, "Oh thorry mom," (sorry) when he drops or spills something. Last week, one of my favorite college roommates came to visit with her family, including her 4 month old baby. In the morning, I told Asher to be quiet and he said, "Oh, a baby thleeping?" My other favorite things he is saying now are, "The's puthin' me," (she's pushing me) and "a help me mom?"
So I go to bed tonight (actually this morning) inspired to try a little harder tomorrow to be the woman I want to be and the mom my kids need me to be, with a renewed awareness of the things that might get in the way.